Whatever the future may hold

It's a new year, and like many others, I've done some reflecting on the past year, and some pondering on what the next year may hold.

2009, even though it is currently only 6 days old, has already yielded much change for me. One of the biggest events in a young person's life has already happened for me. You see, yesterday I turned 18, and while it's fun to have a birthday and all that good stuff, this one is different than any other in the past.

From a legal and bureaucratic standpoint, I am now technically an adult. All of a sudden everything seems different. Doors have opened and closed. Sure, I can go and legally partake in more "adult" activities like smoking, voting, owning a firearm, and certain forms of "entertainment", but none of that is really of any interest to me, so why should I care?

I can also go to jail now. I don't plan to, and can't imagine ever doing anything that would get me there, but the thought of it being there, as sort of an ominous figure, is intimidating. More than anything else I know. And it's not because being punished for wrong doing, that's something that I fully understand, it's more that I am now fully responsible for my actions and must be able to accept and manage any of the repercussions that go with my actions.

And then of course, there's the next huge step that must be taken, though it may be further down the down, it's easily on par with my turning 18. Graduating high school.

I have no doubt that I will graduate, something that I know is an issue for some young people my age. My situation is what to do after. All I've ever known was the public K-12 schooling system. I was put in when I was 5, and now, 13 years later, what do I do after?

Sure, I've applied to a few colleges, and I'm sure I'll get in one or two, but what if I don't want to go? I've been dependent on my parents so far my entire life, and to go away from home, even it was only a few hours away, seems to much for me to handle. I don't honestly think that I can take care of myself if I'm my sole source of authority and just have to be a responsible young person.

So somethings that I would like to see happen for myself in 2009 are pretty straight forward as far as I can see. Don't go to jail, figure out what to do after high school, and try and enjoy myself while I go through all of this. The first one shouldn't be too hard, the second slightly more, and the third may be the most difficult.

I consider a necessary goal to enjoy myself as much as possible in whatever I'm doing. I can't enjoy myself in whatever it is I'm doing, in my mind, I shouldn't be doing it. All the pressure and stress of reality may seem like a bit much at times, but I'll always find an escape to keep me level headed so that I don't burst.

"Don't push me because I'm close to the edge, I'm trying not to lose my head. It's like a jungle sometimes it makes me wonder how I keep from going under" - from The Message by Grand Master Flash and the Furious Five